Dare to Be Seen

Several years ago, I think I was incapable of comprehending the difficulties people faced when it comes to sharing their work with others. The way I likely saw it was that if you created beautiful or interesting things or had thought-provoking ideas, then why wouldn’t you want the world to know about them?

At the same time, I had opinions about people’s creations – things which were likely dear to them, and I don’t think I considered the consequences of those opinions on them. This is not to say that I believe I was wrong to have opinions. One of the ways we grow and improve is through constructive feedback which is the result of our thoughts and views and perhaps if everything we did were only ever adored, this would, to a great extent, prevent us from challenging ourselves enough to improve and evolve.  

All the same, many years later, I now understand a little better the agony that can result from putting oneself out there to be enjoyed, examined and criticized. I now believe that when we put our thoughts and ideas out there that is what we’re doing – putting ourselves out there; the things we create can sometimes seem like a part of us. Furthermore, we all have different ways of dealing with different situations in life and when we put an intellectual or creative part of ourself out there, the reality is we expose ourselves to difficulties like harsh criticism, a reality from which many of us experience an inability to shield ourselves from taking personally.

The question in all of this becomes whether or not we should allow the fear of the less appealing consequences of our voice or work to stop us from putting ourselves out there. When I think of the amount of work available to us today, work created days, months, decades and centuries ago, I realize that our world probably wouldn’t have progressed as it has done if people had shut down their voices and works because of fear. It also occurs to me that the journey of people who contributed to this progress likely resembled and differed in significant ways; our challenges in life rarely mirror each other’s completely and, equally, they are hardly ever totally unique.

Photo by amy chung at Pexels

Just imagine what it might have been like to have missed the influence of the works of legends like Einstein, Da Vinci, Freud, Shakespeare, Picasso, Jobs and Gates, to name but a very few. That said, and to again name but a very few, I would also like to add these names: Ava Lovelace, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Hedy Lamarr, Pablo Neruda, Marie Curie, Bob Marley and Maya Angelo.

What is perhaps paramount is that the only people who make any kind of impact, be it negative or positive, are the ones who dare to be seen in the world whether that path is rocky or smooth. Perhaps many of us don’t care about making any kind of impact and that is perfectly acceptable. What is perhaps not acceptable is when we hold back simply because we are afraid and it is us, above all, who should find this unacceptable. As someone who does wrestle with fear, I am usually the one left to grapple with the fallout, so to do anything but find it unacceptable is to let fear triumph while I deal with the consequences of defeat.

The reality is that, impact or not, many of us have things to say, create and share. There will likely be others who relate to our messages and are inspired to do the same things, if not greater and better things. There may be those who challenge our work and thereby challenge us; how we handle this will be up to us as we can usually choose one of any number of paths when faced with challenges. There will also be those who think completely differently from us and who cannot relate to us at all, and perhaps it is in our best interest to understand this and accept it. Perhaps we’ll also have to learn to differentiate between these two latter groups.

History is filled with individuals who faced challenges in their lives. No one escapes life and its struggles, try as some of us may to foresee and sidestep every rock thrown our way.

As for the challenges, history is filled with individuals who faced challenges in their lives. No one escapes life and its struggles, try as some of us may to foresee and sidestep every rock thrown our way. I suppose that the way I am starting to see it is that if rocks are going to be thrown anyway, we may as well enjoy the journey by taking the path that calls to us most strongly. Of course, at times and for some of us, what calls to us in this way is the desire to share a part of ourselves with the world, and interestingly enough, I think I’ve realized that these desires, the ones which we figure out with patience and thought rather than haste and impulse, are often the very things that make us happy.

Of course, we can just choose to hide away out of fear instead. I can’t say that I haven’t chosen that path before. Unfortunately, further unappealing outcomes of this include valuable time wasted and a life unlived and filled with regrets. True, increased exposure can bring increased pressure, and scrutiny certainly can be a package deal; however, exposure also introduces us to a whole new world with different, but not necessarily, additional pressures, and, more importantly, the possibility of more abundant rewards.

Realistically speaking, I can’t say that the splash we end up making by putting ourselves out there will not be that of a pebble falling rather than a mountain descending into a vast ocean, but I will ask if it matters if we’re true to ourselves and create and act to our heart’s content. I’ll also add that whether it’s tiny or thunderous, the splash only occurs if we dive forth in the first place.

At the end of the day, it more or less comes down to whether we prevent ourselves from being seen because the background is where we’re happiest and fulfilled or whether we do so because we’re fearful of any number of things and allow these fears to hold us back. If it’s the latter, then the question is whether we dare work past these fears or we’re happy to live out our lives with them. On a personal level, I find that facing our fears can be difficult, but it’s nothing compared to the consequences of not facing them, and facing them usually sees an end to them eventually. In the end, it helps to remember that to dare is rarely easy, but to put ourselves out there and be seen will bring us some of our greatest victories in life.

Written by Samantha S Sukhraj

What Lies in Perfection

Photo by Evie Shaffer from Pexels

Someone I dated once asked me something to the extent of why I always have to be perfect. I might have been tempted to take this as a compliment; after all, here was someone possibly acknowledging something in me that I must have been unknowingly attempting to project and this must mean that I was succeeding. Who wouldn’t want to be considered perfect?

The answer to this is possibly many people when you consider what perfection might require and that it’s practically impossible to achieve. The question directed at me wasn’t a compliment; there is context. At this time in my life, I let many comments slide by naively; this wasn’t a time of much productive self-reflection or conversation.

I may never really know what was meant – I didn’t ask. I can assume he meant what I, upon reflection, have been doing most of my life – trying to avoid making mistakes, always do everything perfectly, always be perfect. I have also never succeeded at this. I have made mistakes, made excuses for my mistakes, argued, artlessly believed I was right when I was wrong, hidden from my conscience, died of mortification, mentally beaten myself up more than anyone ever could beat me up – I won’t go on. Of course, I never really admit these things to anyone. There is hardly ever a reason.

Perhaps, this attempt at perfection has been the natural consequence of coming from an environment where, from a young age, there was screaming for doing anything considered “wrong”, without being taught the “right” thing in the first place. This is a practice that was possibly unconsciously inherited through generations, one which I hope will someday end with me (it takes a great deal of work to get there). Even then I attempted perfection – always the need to do no wrong, otherwise face the consequences. Of course, I can’t tell if this is truly the reason or the only reason. I might simply have been born with this need for perfection; it seems so much a part of me.  

What I do know is that the need to never fail and always be perfect isn’t erased with just awareness of its existence and a desire to put an end to it, but that awareness and desire do help. I learned a long time ago to favor excellence over perfection. Yet, this is a lesson that necessitates constant reminding and, on any given day, I feel like there are so many lessons to remember already! Seriously, when does it end? (Never, is my understanding. Life is a classroom, I’m told. There are only extended holidays.)

The result? I continue to power my way to where I want to be with many understandings that are supposed to help: if it isn’t this lesson, it will be another (shudder), the harder the lesson, the better it is learned (yikes), anything worth having takes time and effort, and so on and so forth. Oh well, at least I get yet another lesson in patience.

At any rate, whereas perfection imprisons me, the thought of excellence lightens my spirit. For me, this is an important distinction. I remember young Ms. Frances “Baby” Houseman (Dirty Dancing) saying, “Me? I’m scared of everything”. I’m scared of doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, what people might think of my actions, and I’m scared of all this while often appearing as though I don’t actually care. Talk about a cage. To whom do I cry about it all?

You can take a serious trashing from society for doing and being wrong. Society often isn’t the wise and understanding teacher. 

It doesn’t help that, like in my childhood, you can take a serious trashing from society for doing and being wrong. Society often isn’t the wise and understanding teacher. You blunder and you better have a strong support system in your personal life on which to lean while you learn your lesson. Unfortunately, not many of us do all the time. If you’re lucky, you learn ways of coping and knowing how to talk to yourself.  

To that end, like most lessons in life, the battle with perfection isn’t completely novel. Many past greats have had their say about it. Salvador Dali, the renowned artist, proposed that you “have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it”. Leo Tolstoy writes that if you look for perfection, you’ll never be content. Winston Churchill also notes that perfectionism is the enemy of progress and that success is not final, failure is not final, that it is the courage to continue that counts.

The reality is I don’t need petrifying fear of failure preventing me from achieving my world of dreams; this is another thing with which one contends when seeking perfection. Attempts at flexibility, what I can only hope is excellence, self-forgiveness and awareness help and I continue to strive little by little towards my goals. I don’t have to be perfect. I am not perfect. What is perfection anyway?

Written by Samantha S Sukhraj